So below is the original note I put in when I wrote this:
Alright so here's the deal: Someone I work with, who I also happen to be very close with (In a strictly professional manner mind you: We're all girls where I work) kind of.... "Resigned" yesterday (Read into that all you want: You're probably right, but I can niether confirm nor deny it). And thus, here I am, taking out all my problems on Tasha again. She just seems to be my victim of choice. And as I am dealing with feelings, this might get kind of triggery. As usual, a warning for possible mentions of abuse, torture, and MAYBE non-con. Maybe. I just want someone else to feel the sense of loss and distrust at everything I am feeling right now. So yeah, let's torture Natasha some more, shall we? Also, fair warning: I might end up breaking this into two parts, simply because as I write this, it's getting pretty long....
(And I did, as you can tell by the title. No real warnings apply. Enjoy! ;)
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Chapter 5:
Natasha panicked internally. Maybe this wasn't happening. Maybe this was all just another one of those horrid nightmares and any minute now Clint would come in and wake her up and things would be fine. But somewhere inside her head she knew that wasn't the truth. She whimpered, trying to fight the tears she knew were coming. She hoped Maria Hill was as nice to her now as she had been earlier.
A FEW DAYS BEFORE:
"Nat, we need to talk," Clint said as he and Phil sat at the breakfast table. They had made her hot chocolate. They knew it was her favorite thing. This was a very bad sign.
Alright so here's the deal: Someone I work with, who I also happen to be very close with (In a strictly professional manner mind you: We're all girls where I work) kind of.... "Resigned" yesterday (Read into that all you want: You're probably right, but I can niether confirm nor deny it). And thus, here I am, taking out all my problems on Tasha again. She just seems to be my victim of choice. And as I am dealing with feelings, this might get kind of triggery. As usual, a warning for possible mentions of abuse, torture, and MAYBE non-con. Maybe. I just want someone else to feel the sense of loss and distrust at everything I am feeling right now. So yeah, let's torture Natasha some more, shall we? Also, fair warning: I might end up breaking this into two parts, simply because as I write this, it's getting pretty long....
(And I did, as you can tell by the title. No real warnings apply. Enjoy! ;)
_________________________________________________________________
Chapter 5:
Natasha panicked internally. Maybe this wasn't happening. Maybe this was all just another one of those horrid nightmares and any minute now Clint would come in and wake her up and things would be fine. But somewhere inside her head she knew that wasn't the truth. She whimpered, trying to fight the tears she knew were coming. She hoped Maria Hill was as nice to her now as she had been earlier.
A FEW DAYS BEFORE:
"Nat, we need to talk," Clint said as he and Phil sat at the breakfast table. They had made her hot chocolate. They knew it was her favorite thing. This was a very bad sign.
"What's going on?" She asked nervously, looking at the drink rather than sipping it. Pinky Bear was secure in her arms.
"Nothing is wrong per se," Phil started. "We just have a mission."
"Oh," she shrugged, not getting it yet.
"That's all you have to say?" Clint asked, a bit of confusion tinting his features.
"I mean I don't ENJOY sitting around with Phil but..."
"Natasha," Phil said gently. "I have to go into the field with Clint. You can't come. You haven't been cleared yet."
Oh. Oh. OH! "But... But where am I- I mean the Director SAID he wouldn't kill me but- and then the bear and- and-"
"Breathe Tasha, breathe," Clint said, coming over to hug her. She was shaking and on the verge of tears.
"We asked around and you have a couple of options," Phil said. "You mentioned Tina, and since I'm training her, Clint and I are fine if she stays here while we're gone, or Agent Hill has offered to let you stay with her in her on-base quarters."
Natasha chewed her lip. They told her not to hide how she felt, that it was a bad thing to do. But old habits die hard. And besides, as far as she knew, Agent Hill hadn't seen her disgrace herself. "Agent Hill," she said evenly. Phil looked at Clint, who must have given some sort of look of his own before Phil nodded. "I'll let her know."
THE NEXT AFTERNOON....
"You have everything?" Clint asked as he stood in the doorway of Natasha's bedroom. She nodded slowly, and as she did so, Clint saw Pinkie Bear's ears poking out of her backpack. "Good, cuz I have a present for you."
"Clint I really don't-"
"Hush silly girl," he said, digging around in his pocket. At least it was small. He finally pulled out a silver key. "Since you're officially a member of SHIELD, I figured it best you have a key to this place."
Natasha took the small piece of metal into her hands, examining it. "Does this mean...?"
"Consider it a welcome gift, since I'm officially your handler," he smiled.
Natasha glanced at the key, then at Clint, then back at the key. She pocketed the object with not a hint of the emotions she was feeling. "I'm ready."
Clint nodded, leading her out to the living room. "Natasha, this is Assistant Director Hill," he said evenly.
Natasha paled. Surely she knew what had gone on in that blasted cell. What the director had said. What she had done....
She didn't realize she was having a panic attack until Clint had her in his big, strong, arms, whispering softly to her. "....the bear Tasha. Where did you pack him?" Clint whispered. She sniffled and pointed a shaky hand at her backpack. Phil dug Pinkie Bear out, and silently handed the bear over to her. She buried her face in his soft fur, that smelled like.... like Clint?
"I made sure I put some of my cologne on there for you, in case this happens while we're away," He explained quietly. Natasha nodded. Even though she didn't feel ready, she tried to shove the panic away, with more success than she had thought she would have, and wiggled herself out of Clint's arms.
"I-I'm sorry Miss Hill," She stammered, fearing rebuke.
Maria looked at Clint, before she continued. "Just call me Maria, or Agent Hill. Whatever is easier on you," She explained in a voice that sounded strangely Canadian, but still put her at ease. Phil lead her into the hall while the grown-ups talked (His analogy, not hers). When Clint and Maria finally returned, She threw herself onto Clint.
"Come back to me," She begged softly.
"I swear Tasha, I'm coming back. And when I do we'll get you caught up on all the Disney Princess movies you missed," He said, earning a small laugh from the two agents behind him. Natasha nodded, un-hugging Clint before grabbing her bear and crushing that to her chest. As Natasha walked down the hall away from Clint, she tried hard to keep her breathing even.
Maria eventually stopped in front of a large door. She placed her palm on the scanner and it opened instantly, revealing a lush suite, something similar to Clint's place, but.... bigger. There was more space, and the furnishing was a little less worn. Actually, it didn't look like anyone was ever really here. "....So this is where you'll be staying until they get back," Maria pointed to the guest bedroom, opening the door for Natasha. Again, like her room at Clint's but... bigger. Even the bed looked larger. "I know it's nothing special but it was last minute and I didn't want Director Fury to butt in."
"Does he still hate me?" Natasha asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, bear still crushed to her chest.
"Not directly," Maria said, sitting with her. "He's just a bit leery to trust you, because he thinks you'll go rogue again. I think Clint was right and you deserve a second chance. After everything you've been through Natasha... You deserve a chance to be free."
Was she ever truly going to be free though? She doubted it. "So what do you do all day?" Natasha asked.
"Meetings, meetings, and more meetings," Maria sighed. "And I have to be in command at seven since that's when Clint and Phil are supposed to land. You can stay here or come with. We don't have to go anywhere until after lunch."
Natasha nodded. She ended up curling up on the bed. "....Can we watch a movie?" Maria smiled. Turned out she had as many Disney movies as Clint, but she preferred the animal ones over princesses. They ended up watching a movie about two dogs who fell in love and had a lot of puppies. Then they were dog-napped by this lady who had an unhealthy obsession with fur coats. "Isn't that sort of thing illegal?" Natasha finally asked.
Maria shrugged. "I suppose. It wasn't really okay in the sixties either," she answered.
"In Russia all the rich women had fur coats," Natasha explained. "That's how I knew who my targets usually were." Maria wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so she settled for a smile and a pat to the head.
"You hungry? I have some yummy sandwich stuff." Natasha nodded eagerly, following the woman to the kitchen, eyeing the box on the table carefully.
Maria smiled. "Let's take a peek."
Clint nodded, leading her out to the living room. "Natasha, this is Assistant Director Hill," he said evenly.
Natasha paled. Surely she knew what had gone on in that blasted cell. What the director had said. What she had done....
She didn't realize she was having a panic attack until Clint had her in his big, strong, arms, whispering softly to her. "....the bear Tasha. Where did you pack him?" Clint whispered. She sniffled and pointed a shaky hand at her backpack. Phil dug Pinkie Bear out, and silently handed the bear over to her. She buried her face in his soft fur, that smelled like.... like Clint?
"I made sure I put some of my cologne on there for you, in case this happens while we're away," He explained quietly. Natasha nodded. Even though she didn't feel ready, she tried to shove the panic away, with more success than she had thought she would have, and wiggled herself out of Clint's arms.
"I-I'm sorry Miss Hill," She stammered, fearing rebuke.
Maria looked at Clint, before she continued. "Just call me Maria, or Agent Hill. Whatever is easier on you," She explained in a voice that sounded strangely Canadian, but still put her at ease. Phil lead her into the hall while the grown-ups talked (His analogy, not hers). When Clint and Maria finally returned, She threw herself onto Clint.
"Come back to me," She begged softly.
"I swear Tasha, I'm coming back. And when I do we'll get you caught up on all the Disney Princess movies you missed," He said, earning a small laugh from the two agents behind him. Natasha nodded, un-hugging Clint before grabbing her bear and crushing that to her chest. As Natasha walked down the hall away from Clint, she tried hard to keep her breathing even.
Maria eventually stopped in front of a large door. She placed her palm on the scanner and it opened instantly, revealing a lush suite, something similar to Clint's place, but.... bigger. There was more space, and the furnishing was a little less worn. Actually, it didn't look like anyone was ever really here. "....So this is where you'll be staying until they get back," Maria pointed to the guest bedroom, opening the door for Natasha. Again, like her room at Clint's but... bigger. Even the bed looked larger. "I know it's nothing special but it was last minute and I didn't want Director Fury to butt in."
"Does he still hate me?" Natasha asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, bear still crushed to her chest.
"Not directly," Maria said, sitting with her. "He's just a bit leery to trust you, because he thinks you'll go rogue again. I think Clint was right and you deserve a second chance. After everything you've been through Natasha... You deserve a chance to be free."
Was she ever truly going to be free though? She doubted it. "So what do you do all day?" Natasha asked.
"Meetings, meetings, and more meetings," Maria sighed. "And I have to be in command at seven since that's when Clint and Phil are supposed to land. You can stay here or come with. We don't have to go anywhere until after lunch."
Natasha nodded. She ended up curling up on the bed. "....Can we watch a movie?" Maria smiled. Turned out she had as many Disney movies as Clint, but she preferred the animal ones over princesses. They ended up watching a movie about two dogs who fell in love and had a lot of puppies. Then they were dog-napped by this lady who had an unhealthy obsession with fur coats. "Isn't that sort of thing illegal?" Natasha finally asked.
Maria shrugged. "I suppose. It wasn't really okay in the sixties either," she answered.
"In Russia all the rich women had fur coats," Natasha explained. "That's how I knew who my targets usually were." Maria wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so she settled for a smile and a pat to the head.
"You hungry? I have some yummy sandwich stuff." Natasha nodded eagerly, following the woman to the kitchen, eyeing the box on the table carefully.
Maria smiled. "Let's take a peek."
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